We live busy lives in an even busier world. Always trying to multitask, always looking to stay up to date. It's a wonder anyone can sit their butts down for nearly 4 hours on a Sunday to watch a football game! Why do that when you can DVR it and have the power of fast forward? (Local restrictions apply, only when your team's game is on in your local television market.)
When you think about it, these days officals aren't even watching games live, they are constantly trotting over to what looks like a ballot box, shrouded in the hood of secrecy. Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain. You can't see what he's watching, it's top secret... oh wait, I'm watching what he's watching right now on my TV!
The replay assistants watch the game on TV inside the 2:00 minute warning (both before half time and before the end of the game. How do you spell overkill? ) Refs watch the game on TV if the coaches throw the flag out of their sock. (That always amused me to high heaven, why their sock? If woman were NFL coaches they'd stuff it in their bra. Ratings booster HELLO?!?! Although some coaches probably have enough man boob to stuff the challenge flag in their bra, but do they have to put it in their sock? Is that a rule or something??) My favorite things refs can watch on tv and by saying favorite here I mean loathe, is time on the clock. That's right Father Time, we're saying we've got a one up on you.
It took only one hour and ten minutes of my life to watch last week's Patriots game. Afterall, half time is 15 minutes of X16 fast forward. There are appropriate speeds for different parts of the game. They are:
If you feel a commerical coming on go for X4. Because even when you get back to the game, it's not the game, you get a buffer shot like an extreme close up of a player's face, or you see the play that just happened. (In case the commericals are also memory erasers.)
After a play is whistled dead, there are some caveats to this one...
If it's a crazy play and it doesn't look good for your team ie, the other team intercepted it and you don't think it's coming back go for X4. Chances are the network will play at least 6 replays we'll call 'angles of anguish' wherein you'll see the same devastating play 6 times. Each time, you'll get your hopes up that it will be like that Gwyneth Paltrow movie 'Sliding Doors.' 'Oh please oh please tell me the receiver blinked his eyes differently this time and that means this 5th time he catches it and it's not an interception!' But that's never how it works, as it's the same play over and over again, rubbing salt in the wound. X4 through that bad boy or you'll become suicidal.
If it's a crazy play by your team and it looks like you're the ones doing the intercepting, watch 3 'views of victory,' pat yourself on the back, grunt and say that you've always liked him (even though it's a lie because he missed a big block on the other team's last possession and that lead to a touch down and two point conversion and now you're down by 1, so intercepting is the least he could do, the ingnorant idiot.) Then move on, you don't want to jinx yourself by celebrating too much.
If it's a run of the mill 5 yard gain play that's whistled dead only do X1. They should set up quickly and get on with it. Plus watch for the quarterback to move his leg like an agitated horse getting ready to take off. Once you see that move, hit play. Technology these days even gives you like 1 second grace so you see the whole snap.
If it's an extra point, you can start with X2. You shouldn't watch extra points because if your kicker doesn't make it, then he should be sent hurtling towards the other team at the kickoff. Period.
If it's a kickoff, you're allowed to assume the ball gets into the endzone, the receiver takes a knee and it comes out to the 20. X1. (see last week's blog)
Now there are some cons to watching a game this way. It is very easy to jump into X1 after what seems like a run of the mill play and miss that the ball actually popped out before the player was down. This causes a 'what the...???' reaction, but that's what the rewind button for, and hey you have a forewarning. If the ball was taken away from your team, why not take a sip of that Bud before you rewind, take some of the edge off?
In the same vein, it is very easy to miss penalties and lose track of how many yards you're set back and how many you have to go. Again a 'what the... how's it 3rd and 25?!?!?!' But the yellow lines are there to guide you, moving forward is all that really matters. Better not to focus on the negative and not get angry, right Tom Brady?
And now, men, these cons are nothing compared to the pros you'll get from your ladies when - with the 3 hours of life you've gained, you do chores around the house, right? Cause that's what we do when we have free time right???!?!?!?!
Only thing I ask is for networks to realize the benefits of fast forwarding through games and place the score, downs, yards to go, playclock, timeout counters, quarter indicator and flag icon (you know a beginner football watcher's LIFELINE) at the top of the screen away from the mandatory << > II >> (rewind, play, pause, fast forward icons in case you think my font switched to wingdings.) at the bottom of the screen.
Have a good time watching tape and benching fantasy players!
Stacey
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